The last days I was trying so hard to finish the next post.
I wonder why it is so difficult to finish it. There is so much in my head, so much to write about, so many beginnings and little pieces I noted down, but I can’t sort myself so that I’d expressed it in a way you readers could possibly enjoy it. That’s why I decided at some point to just write down whichever thought was in my head whithout a certain intention of what this post will be about or which topic it will deal with. Those are just my thoughts that wanted to leave my mind.
My limitation in free time the past weeks and little privacy might be a reason why it is so difficult to focus. Basically I’m constantly surrounded by people because I’m living in the Rookery Bay Field Station, a place where people primarily are to do research out in the field. The station has eight beds in 4 rooms and a common area with a kitchen. At the moment we are 7 people – Martha, Jessica, Sean, Alex, me and 2 “sea turtle interns” as we call them and they are alternating. All of them are great characters, interesting to talk to and generally easy and enjoyable to live with, so I clearly don’t complain! I share my room with Alex, another german student investigating more socio-political issues regarding the Everglades restoration plan. However being surrounded by all those great people, and not only them but also visitors or people from the Reserve going in and out frequently, it is difficult to find space and time for writing a blog, writing a post. Sorting your thoughts, your ideas, experiences and new impressions. To reflect.
Rookery Bay Field Station
©H. Campen
I decided to write this blog because I like to share my experiences, little adventures and new impressions.
New impressions – there are so many of them. Basically everything is new to me. The countryside, the streets, the way of transportation (car, everything by car. And I don’t have one.), the heat, no breeze, the work, the language, the food, where, when and how much to eat, the people, the topics, the plants, the animals, the prices, my bed, the way of living, my day structure, the possibilities to spend my free time, the just unbelievable limitation due to mosquitos, my opportunities to do exercise, the list is endless. All those limitations in the land of unlimited opportunities? In the – to my opinion – most Western country in the world. At the same time of experiencing all those new impressions I realize and keep thinking of the fact that I came here also to get to know myself better. To find out what I want and how to progress in my (professional) life. Basically – and typically – to find to myself. And to calm down after my thesis, to let things go, and be, and come. Just the way it goes. To accept things just how they are, to relax, to release myself from all those pressures of everyday business, school, work.
Well, those are a lot of things I expected to happen here. And I’m not sure whether it is then even possible to feel no pressure. As I said I’m trying so hard to have no pressure – so hard, that I probably put myself under a lot of pressure.
I decided to come here to experience another country and even another culture – although we somehow feel to know the American culture.
I decided to come here and work with mangroves because I love to be outside.
I decided to come here and do field work because I love to be physically active and feel exhausted when coming home.
But do I really know all those things about me? I don’t feel as if I knew me. Everything feels so different here and sometimes I even feel a bit lost in those feelings. But at the same time I try to focus on those things to stabilize myself and find back to balance. I try to think back and to remember what I usually like but keep struggling with that. Maybe because there is so few what feels familiar and what could provide something constant. Somehow it is fascinating how much we (or only me?) depend on things or conditions we know in order to feel comfortable, or feel ourselves to be more precise.
Mangrove forest. Not seeing the woods for the trees. (I looked that up in a dictionary and couldn’t believe that there’s actually a literal translation of that phrase…)
© H. Campen
Reading through this post again I realize that my thoughts tend to run in circles. I feel the beginning explains the end as the end explains the beginning. They are my raw and barely elaborate thoughts even though I spend a lot of time thinking them. So, I just stop here and remain in this chaos of thoughts even if that means this post lacks in a defined message. This blur might just be the outcome for now and at the same time it does one thing pretty clearly: It reflects exactly how I feel.
Endless Everglades
© S. Charles
Dear Hanna,
thank you so much for taking me part in your thoughts and feelings!When I think about your situation, it´s my opinion that it´s totally normal having some chaotic feelings because it`s not easy to find in in such a different way of life to yours! Indeed, it´s all new for you:Staying in a foreign country, communication in a foreign language,living in the wilderness, living with the limitation and mosquitos all around you, having nearly no privacy…and you`re used to another way of life: you live in a city where you can move where you want, you can do sports in- and outside like you want and you can retire and be alone when you need that…So I can definitely say: I don`t wonder why you feel like that. So let it happen and accept these thoughts and feelings for now! Things can change and if not, I think, it doesn`t matter if you realized that such a project would not be your thing. Some people like it, others don`t. Now I have some questions:I´m also very interested in getting to know what you do day for day. When do you get up, what do you do when you do field-work, how long do you work, how hot is it there, does it really rain each day, where do you stay then, are you always in time in the Rookery Bay Field Station…
Mama
Thanks for those words!
My next post I’m currently working on will exactly deal with what you were asking about: my everyday work in the field and the daily structure around that work.
Dear Hanna,
Thank you very much for letting us take part in your experiences and sharing your impressions in your interesting, authentic and detailed 🙂 blog posts. I’ve learned some cool new facts about that fascinating area (like that there are 10,000 islands, and a 100 mile highway in the ocean), and about the research that you’re doing (like what is a mesocosm – had to look that up).
It’s quite an adventure, working in completely new environment, not knowing what to expect (yet having all kinds of expectations…) and having to deal with inconveniences like mosquitos and not having any privacy!
By the way, I also remember having piece of mind to write home when I did an internship abroad.
Wishing you all the best and hope you enjoy the rest of your stay in Florida!
Warm Regards, also from Maike, Alex
Hey Alex & Maike,
I’m glad you liked my post! And I’m curious how you’ll find my new one – it is less detailed by the way 😉
Interesting that you mention those information that contained numbers – just saying , it just caught my attention. Anyway, it’s good to hear that you can understand what I feel, talking from your own experience and I’m even more glad if reading my post inspires you to think of those times! 🙂
Sending warm and sunny regards to share some “true summer” with you – saying it in Maike’s words.
Hanna